Your Eating Shapes Your Child’s Eating
When raising a family, it is good for everyone to be free of stress and worry, when it comes to what and how much they eat.
This guide will help you learn how to feel good about eating so you can feed your family the best way! After all, YOUR relationship with food matters because when you trust yourself with eating, it becomes easy to trust your child with their eating, too.
The phrase “eating competence” emerged from years of work by Ellyn Satter to describe a positive and relaxed relationship with food and eating. It’s about trusting your body and truly enjoying what and how you eat.
Becoming a “competent eater” means you:
Ellyn Satter’s research found that adults who are comfortable and flexible with eating:
Today, many messages about food can make eating feel difficult. The good news is that you don’t need to follow strict lists of “dos” and “don’ts.” Instead, focus on trusting yourself and enjoying your food.
There are two main ideas to remember to become a competent eater:
This means making sure you eat regularly and eat food you truly enjoy.
This means telling yourself, “It’s all right to eat this. I just need to pay attention while I eat”.
When you practice feeding yourself faithfully and giving yourself permission to eat, you will learn to be relaxed, trust yourself, and feel joyful about eating. There’s no single “right” way to eat every day. The best and most normal approach to food is one that adapts to your life—including your hunger, your schedule, what’s easy to get, and even your emotions. Eating should be a source of joy, not stress.
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Hunger Scale: |
Feeling that might relate to your individual hunger or fullness: |
|---|---|
| 1 | Starving, light-headed, stomach hurts |
| 2 | Very hungry, stomach growling |
| 3 | Hungry, ready to eat |
| 4 | Slightly hungry, thinking about food |
| 5 | Neutral, not hungry, not full |
| 6 | Slightly satisfied |
| 7 | Satiety, comfortably full or fully satisfied |
| 8 | Full, a little uncomfortable |
| 9 | Very full, bloated |
| 10 | Stuffed, sick |
How to Use the Hunger Scale:
Before you eat, check in with yourself and identify your hunger level on the scale. As you eat, periodically check in to see how your fullness level is changing. The goal is to start eating around a 3 or 4 and stop around a 6 or 7.
Steps:
Pay attention to how your body feels when you are genuinely hungry.
Does your stomach growl? Do you feel light-headed? Do you get irritable?
List these specific sensations.
Similarly, note what it feels like when you are comfortably full.
Do you feel content? Is your stomach no longer empty but not heavy?
Do you feel energized?
What happens when you eat too much?
Do you feel bloated, sluggish, or nauseous?
Create 3-5 levels (e.g., Very Hungry, Moderately Hungry, Neutral, Satisfied, Stuffed) and describe the unique sensations you experience at each level.
Similarly, note what it feels like when you are comfortably full.
Do you feel content? Is your stomach no longer empty but not heavy?
Do you feel energized?
Create 3-5 levels (e.g., Very Hungry, Moderately Hungry, Neutral, Satisfied, Stuffed) and describe the unique sensations you experience at each level.
Example on a personal level:
“My Stomach is Empty”
Stomach feels hollow, with a slight rumble.
“Comfortably Full”
My jeans still feel comfortable, and I feel energetic and content.
You can begin to practice tuning into your body’s signals, which is a key part of eating competence and joyful eating. It takes time and practice to become familiar with your unique hunger and fullness cues.
This means paying attention to what you are eating and how it feels in your body.
Before you eat, take a breath and tell yourself, “It’s all right to eat, I just have to pay attention.” Do this for a few bites at first; as you get more comfortable, you can pay attention longer.
Look at it, smell it. What do you notice inside yourself before you take a bite?
Take a bite. How does it taste and feel?
What happens inside you as you chew?
Swallow when you feel ready. Look at the food again before your next bite.
It might take time to connect with your body’s signals of hunger and fullness. If you eat regular meals and planned snacks in place of grazing (frequent unplanned snacks), your body will get used to your eating pattern, and you will notice your hunger and fullness signals more clearly.
When you first start trusting yourself with eating, you might eat a lot of the same foods, especially those you previously avoided. That’s perfectly fine!
It takes time to feel truly comfortable with these foods. Over time, you will naturally want to try more variety.
Many messages about food can make you feel guilty or anxious. Rules like “eat this, don’t eat that” or trying to “detox” can take away the joy of eating.
Even official dietary guidelines, which aim to help, can sometimes become rigid rules. You don’t need rules to eat the food you need. Trust yourself to eat what and how much you need. You can learn to accept a broader range of foods naturally.
Be careful of messages that seem helpful but are actually controlling:
Messages that harm: |
Messages that give permission: |
|---|---|
| Drink water before eating to feel fuller and only use small plates. | Tell yourself you will get enough to eat and eat until satisfied. |
| Don’t buy “fattening” and “tempting” foods. | Stock your pantry with food you enjoy. |
| Eat sweets in small amounts. | Savor sweets until you’ve had your fill. |
| Make half your plate fruits and vegetables. | Serve foods you and your family like at meals and snacks. |
| Control your portions. Don’t eat too much. | Eat as much as it takes to feel comfortably full. |
| Chew every bite slowly. | Pay attention to your food. |
| Avoid added or extra sugar, salt, and fat. | Use sugar, salt, and fat to make food tasty. |
| Cut cheese and chocolate into small pieces. | Savor cheese and chocolate. |
| Don’t eat at buffets. | Listen to and trust your body at buffets. |
| Don’t have seconds. | Eat as much as you are hungry for. |
It’s natural to use food for comfort or to celebrate.
Eating with friends, cooking, or eating alone can make you feel better when you are sad, worried, or upset. When you do this mindfully (with care and thought), it can be a way to cope.
“Abusing emotional eating” happens when you eat without paying attention or truly tasting your food. This can make you feel empty, bad about yourself, or out of control. Instead, try to be aware of your feelings and choose to use food in a way that truly helps you.
Talk to WIC for support in becoming a confident and joyful eater so that you can feed your child in the best way possible.
For more on Satter’s Becoming Eating Competent, click below:
Satter, Ellyn (2020). Feeding Yourself with Love and Good Sense. Kelcy Press.
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